I hope everyone had a lovely Halloween!
I know that most of the time I talk about my gender and sexuality. (Is there such a word as genderality?) But I also meant to talk about other things as well, like my spirituality. Sometimes I just get lost in the struggle for who I am, so I don’t sweat the what I already know. Or something like that…
But so, I had this dream. Only I’m not even 100% sure that it was a dream. It was so … real. Just ordinary every day life. But there was so much background to everything. The dream came with a full set of memories. And it was so … mundane. Just … life.
In it, I was talking to my wife. We were both puttering around the kitchen. (A kitchen that in this life I’ve never seen, but a perfectly ordinary kitchen.) I was cooking a roast in the stove. She was making sandwiches in a convection oven. And I was angry about my former employer. Apparently, I had been fired from my last job. (And so took that opportunity to move to marry my wife.) And they were so angry with me that any time a perspective new employer called them, well, I’d lose that employment opportunity. And I had no references because they were all former co-workers. So I was basically screwed. It’d been almost two years and I hadn’t been able to find a single job. So I was mad. Very mad.
(As a point of reference, in my actual life, my former employer liked me so much and respected my work ethic that even after I quit my job to marry my wife – not because I wanted to leave my employment – when I told my boss that I was probably going to go back to being an independent contractor for a while, the company instantly started working with me to sign me up for a contract, that lasted over a year as it kept getting extended so that I could do more work for them.)
So in the “dream” I recognized my anger, and intentionally started calming myself down. And when I was back down to normal, I said to myself a little spell, like a prayer. I don’t remember the exact wording of the spell, unfortunately. (It’s almost driving me nuts that I can’t remember the words verbatim.) But it went something like this:
I welcome the Silver to show me the light.
I welcome the Light to show me the light.
I welcome the Silver and the Light to show me the light.
The intent of the spell was that a path be revealed to me, to show me the way. I really wish I could remember the exact words. But it was something like that.
Well not a second passes as the words left my lips when whoosh. I’m going to try to explain. Okay, so I’m a Reiki master. Before that I was a self-taught energy worker. Some people see energy. I feel energy. Not just “spells”. Spells are just a formalized intent to working energy. There are plenty of informal ways to work energy. And so on. I don’t want to get as cheesy as resorting to explaining it as “The Force”. But in a lot of ways that’s kind of like what it is. Everything has an energy, thing about it that makes it what it is. It’s what makes a rock a rock and not sand, or a tree. It’s a personality. It’s emotions. It’s thoughts. It’s a pattern. It’s everything. And everything has its own energy. And we can share that energy. We can reach out with our energy. Almost like talking, like sound traveling from one thing to another, or just … out of us. We can send our energy. We can take in, listen, or even absorb. It’s just like a great underlying level to all of existence.
So the way that I work with energy is to feel it. Feel it as emotion. Sometimes feel is as physical. Sometimes feel it as thought. But feel. And on rare occasion I can hear energy moving, like wind in my ears.
The normal sensation of feeling for me would be about like licking a battery is to electricity. You can feel it, but it’s not going to knock me off my butt or cause me a great difficulty in doing everyday things.
On very rare occasion I’ve been caught by stronger energies. Like the equivalent of grabbing a live wire. They were so strong that I was for all practical purposes rendered physically unable to do anything. That’s been like so rare in my life that I could count the number of times on one hand.
But after saying that one simple spell, beseeching the universe for some guidance on what to do with my life, WHOOSH!
It seriously was like, compared to the scale I’ve given of electricity, that this energy was like me running naked through a rainstorm to leap onto and grab the contacts at a nuclear power plant. It was like an instantly vaporizing level of energy.
I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t even think.
I wasn’t even sure I was alive anymore.
And I remember looking at my wife, and strangely thinking that at least if this were the end, I was happy to have loved her.
The rush of energy just tore through me, screaming in my ears to deafen me. And after a moment, I realized I still was there. I wasn’t so much as dead just yet.
I tried to reach out to her, but I couldn’t move.
I tried to call to her, but I couldn’t speak.
And then my wife woke me up. In real life. (If you can call it that.) Because I’d been calling to her, or at least trying to. And I remember looking at her in bed. I was freaked. The me from the dream was having problems coping with the me from my life. It was like two sets of memories clashing. Mostly they were the same memories, up to a point of a couple of years ago where they began to diverge. But the one thing that was such a great relief to me, that made it all alright, was that my wife was still my wife. She was the point of commonality that reassured me that things were okay.
And as I “woke up” I knew I was me. But I was also spooked. Partly because of that energy. And partly because as the two mes converged into one, even though, say, I knew my wife’s clothes were all behind the closet door, a part of me wasn’t sure it was really true. To that part of me, I was in a stranger’s house, in a stranger’s bed. Only me and my wife were the same.
Honestly, I really don’t know what that dream was all about.
It reminded me though, of something my ex talked about. My ex believed that we weren’t simple one soul in one body. Life was more complicated than that. We were here to learn. We were more like pieces of one soul, split into many bodies, each body separately in something like a parallel universe. And each piece connected to an “oversoul”.
The best description I could give I guess would be like our true souls were each like an incarnation of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And each noodly appendage reaches out through time and space into different alternate dimensions, each ending in a part of that magnificence that resides our bodies. That one little tip is what we call our spirit, our soul. Each of those many parts of us all live different lives, learning different lessons, experiencing different things. And as each part of us dies, it comes back to us, bringing that experience with it.
Kind of like the movie The One. With the oversoul being the metaphysical mechanics to explain how each alternate us is connected into one being.
And somehow, for some reason, in the moment of that “dream”, two of my alternate existences became one.
For what purpose? I don’t know. Did it really happen? I don’t know. Was it just a weird dream? I don’t know. Is it having any lasting effect on my life since then? So far, I haven’t seen any. But then it’s only been a couple of days.
It’s funny. Until that “dream”, I’d never really believed that we were a soul divided. I’d believed in alternate universes. I even believed that somehow we could meet ourselves, if we could only travel between them. I don’t just “believe”. I have a whole model of it from my understanding that could possibly advance the world of physics and explain things like entropy for example, if only I were a world-renowned PhD so that people would take me seriously instead of say, “Yeah, sure.” I don’t pretend to fully grasp the mathematics and how it ties in to M-Theory (String Theory), but I know that it does, because it helps define some of the working dimensions of the universe. But so I’d believed in that much, but never believed in the concept of an “oversoul” or anything so spiritual. …Until now.
You see, I may be a fanciful creative soul, but I’m also a practical soul. I tend to lean upon what I can be drawn from experience. I take a reasonably scientific approach. And ultimately I believe that science will one day prove that magic and energy are real. Just as science once proved that matter wasn’t just there, but made of atoms, and that atoms were made of protons, neutrons, and electrons. Because there’s an energy there, that holds those all together. We try to break the sub-subatomic down into things like quarks. But what makes those up? What holds them together? At some point, all matter is actually energy. Even quantum physics has examples of the observer affecting the observed outcome of an experiment. Is it such a difficult thing to believe that a trained observer can affect more than science wants to admit? That some can reach the very fundamental energy that makes matter and affect a desired outcome? I think that scientifically, a potential is there. We just don’t yet have the instruments to measure it. Or, for that matter, the will to.
Because if an observer can affect an outcome, then how do you think skeptics observing the experiments will affect the experiments? Will affect the ability to create instruments to measure? There’s a whole world humming of disbelief of the supernatural. How do you imagine all of those very many observers are constantly affecting the observed? It’s possible that magic simply doesn’t exist because science says that it doesn’t, and we teach all of our children around the world this science.
Anyway, there’s a lot to talk about there, but it’s getting off the track. The point is, I had a strange dream, if it was even a dream. And it’s done … something. Only I don’t know what … other than to cause me to re-examine one part of my view of how our universe works.
But whether or not it changes anything in the end, one thing is for certain: It was interesting. And so I thought it worth sharing. If that’s not hinky enough for Hinky Corners, I don’t know what is! 
